I stopped doing the low calorie thing 3 days early. I just couldn't do it anymore. I felt pretty awesome the day after binging at my aunt's funeral but I just couldn't stomach the same old no fat 500 calories. I was surprised that I didn't have any carb cravings after the funeral... just fat fat fat fat. It's all I've craved since day 5 vlcd. MOAR FAT!
So I gave up... I don't know. I feel my body sucking up the fat. I FEEL it. I also feel like I'm gaining weight... and everyone can hang me and say I didn't follow protocol and its my fault but I'm not sure I believe in hcg any longer. Actually... as tough as eating crow is (is crow fatty? Maybe it's not so tough.)... I'm pretty sure that I don't belive in hcg. I believe that the protocol works though I think it's inefficient and not right for me.
I've been reading many blogs and many forum posts (and not enough physics and calculus books- BAD RORA BAD) and one that I read start to finish is SugarFreeGoodies. Like many smart people (some might even accuse yours truly of this), the author comes off a little bit abrasive and know-it-all, and her responses to her "test subjects" lack diplomacy in language, BUT she seems like she's onto something (and she's pretty funny and a clear sci-fi geek) and she might just have a working diet coming to fruition soon. It's worth a read. It's got me all FREAKED OUT though because it's through her that I learned that hcg supposedly makes you create more fat cells... that's the last fucking thing I need!
Now... for some calming news (for me)... reading all of these various blogs about people with insulin resistance had me thinking about my own weight and metabolism. I used to think something was really awry with my metabolism because I gained a lot of weight through puberty (about 10-20 lbs a year from 12 to 16) and I thought I was just particularly - as in more than most people unable to deal with sugar because what caused me to drop own to a normal BMI/150lbs completely effortlessly was to stop drinking soda and juice.
Today, I calculated how much sugar and how many calories a day I was ingesting during those formative teen years... want to guess? ok, I'll tell you... on any given day, just from juice or soda alone- so not counting any other shit I was eating- I took in between 130-200 grams of sugar and between 600 and 1000 calories. So, honestly, I think my metabolism dealt with that pretty impressively. Calories in/calories out is pretty imperfect, but let's assume for a minute it's true... I guarantee you I wasn't eating much healthier outside of my juice/pop but let's say that the juice was my ONLY excess caloric intake... 600calories X 364 / 3500 calories to a lb of fat = 62.4 lbs.
Likewise, in adulthood (age 17 to present), where I only on occasion enjoy soda or juice, I've been losing about 1-2lbs a year... doing nada else (and anyone who has had the unfortunate experience of seeing me eat knows I'm into long distance eating and can go eat a LOT) except not drinking anything but seltzer water on a regular basis (other than water water) and I don't eat sugar too regularly. I'd be lying to ya if I said I hadn't polished off an entire bag of chocolate peanut butter covered Bugles in late July but I try to keep sugar binges to once a month because it does tend to make me iittttccchhhhyyyy.
My theory was that as I continued to cut out sugar and opt for more sugar free things, I was going to slowly lose weight over the course of many years. I figured, "why not get the weight off first and just maintain it? why wait?!" so I did hcg... it's too early to say if I'm going to gain it all back, and my period stopped for like two days when I had eaten a little more carbs, but started right back up again so it could just be period emotions- but I feel like I CAN'T STOP EATING now that I'm in p3 (which isn't that abnormal for me to feel even not on a diet) and I feel like I can FEEL my ass getting bigger. can I?! I'm paranoid. I'm neurotic. All this food and diet research is making me obsessive. is giving me an eating disorder. what the fuck to do...
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